She’s down but not out! July real time entry
If it’s not too confusing I’ll start this entry as my first “real time” post. So I continue to go through my divorce from Will. It’s not pleasant of course but last weekend and this week it’s been even more unpleasant. I finally got my paperwork taken care of over last weekend and had them signed by a justice of the peace/photographer - I love how things work here - and they got sent certified to Will. Of course I was expecting a phone call from the states whenever he happened to receive the paperwork. Ours won’t be a difficult divorce, there weren’t a lot of assets to split - actually mostly debt - but there area few sticking points so I expected the call. In the meantime there have been some other emotional roller coaster type events lately. I really thought that Corozal would be the best location for me to go through the ending of a long relationship, for one main reason; this is a small town and there really aren’t a lot of single people here my age so I assumed that there wouldn’t be the distraction of meeting someone new while I’m still healing. On the other hand I hadn’t been in love with Will for awhile in our relationship so part of me was already moving on long before we actually split. Well, as it happened I did meet someone else and for the sake of his privacy I won’t go in to too many details - I’ll call him February since that is the month relationships changed for me - but we immediately and unexpectedly connected. It took me very much by surprise and I am sure he felt the same way. There was a nagging voice in my head to ignore all the emotions and everything irrational that was going on in my head - just simply do not fall for this guy - my head lost. I fell for him hard and fast. Recently, for reasons completely out of my control I lost him and it’s hit me hard. Maybe he was the cliché “rebound” relationship but I have a hard time describing him as such. I felt passion with him that I knew was there for the years it was being suppressed by being in the wrong relationship that was so intense I can hardly put it in the rebound category. So that made two emotional slugs to me over the holiday weekend, and the third came in the form of my Dad’s trip here coming to an end. My mom and I drove him to the airport on Friday and saw him off after he had been visiting for about three weeks. Even though I love it in Belize, it is always hard to see family or friends go home after visiting - especially my dad. I have a very close relationship with him which I feel so incredibly lucky for. So there it was the third hit, it was like a one - two punch and being finished off with a hard left hook. I am down for the count.
Right now that is the hardest part about living away from my friends and family, there are limited shoulders to cry on here so because of that my mom and I are building a much closer relationship since we are each other’s sounding board. We have also met some outstanding and supportive people here and I hope that I will have some friends for life from Corozal Belize. The week has continued to be gloomy because of these circumstances. I finally got the call from Will last night and he was not happy. I also have a lot of pent up anger towards him which almost always comes out when I talk to him on the phone. It’s not fair to him and I try to control it but between the two of us we weren’t able to have a rational conversation last night so he hung up on me and I sent him an email trying to resolve what we had attempted to talk about. I also continue to be very sad about losing February and think about him constantly. Today I made phone calls trying to talk to him even though I agreed I wouldn’t - it was totally out of my control when I picked up the phone and rang him. Drunk dialing without the excuse of being drunk - sad.
I am determined that my day will not end in a funk though - I am in the Caribbean and have a totally fresh start to my life. Yes, there are issues I’m dealing with but nothing too hard to handle. We have had a positive couple weeks at the bar (after a major summer slow down). It’s just one of those days where the “blues” are getting the best of me but the battle is not over yet and I am determined to prevail. I have a friend coming to visit next week which will help things tremendously. Mom and I also have a trip back to Oregon planned in early August so it will be a breath of fresh air to see the people I have been missing - funny enough my 10 year high school reunion will fall during the time I am visiting home so that should be interesting.
I would very much appreciate any feedback about inserting these real time entries in along side of the continuing story I have been telling. Here’s hoping for sunshine tomorrow!
July - real time, Uncategorized | admin | July 9, 2009
3 Responses to “She’s down but not out! July real time entry”
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By Colette, July 9, 2009 @ 7:07 pm
Go for it. I think it works doing the real time thing in conjunction with the historical build up. Makes it all the more interesting. Sorry to hear you’ve had a tough time though. Was a big of a give away when you said you’d nude sunbathed and burned your arse. Only girls in a funk do things like that. Good luck. Look forward to trying one of your burgers one day. Colette, San Pedro
By Belizedragonfly, July 10, 2009 @ 12:02 am
So true! I couldn’t believe I did that - bad state of mind - writing about it has made me feel much better though and the day is ending well. Thanks for the feedback
By Korvell, July 11, 2009 @ 1:32 pm
That little love bug sure does leave a bruising on ya…it will all work out though hang in there!!!