Flashback 6 years – I’m in Negril Jamaica on my wedding day. We had arrived in Jamaica three days earlier and the trip had been amazing so far. I almost forgot that the reason I was there was to make a lifelong commitment. Will and I had started to date when I was 19; he was 6 years older than me and already had a failed marriage under his belt. We had hit it off immediately as friends and that’s how our relationship started; strictly friendship. He became my best friend and he appreciated my intelligence as well as my physical appearance which was so different than my experience of boys had been up to that point – they were so fixated on my looks that nothing else came in to play and it had gotten old. It was refreshing to find someone who got the whole picture and could have a great conversation with me without making some sort of sexual reference. Will wanted to have a romantic relationship with me from the beginning of our friendship and I had always resisted that because I didn’t have those passionate, romantic feelings for him. As a little girl I didn’t dream about my wedding day, a family or a happily ever after so it made sense to me to approach this in a practical way with my head – not necessarily my emotions. Over time my head was telling me that it made sense to date this guy because in the end friendship must be the most important thing – my heart resisted at first because I thought that maybe there should be more than a great friendship for a relationship to work. I was only 23 on my wedding day and fleeting thoughts would go through my head that maybe I’m just too young to be making this decision – I hadn’t even graduated from college yet. My parents were also skeptical of our relationship, they didn’t say a lot to me about it but I knew they had reservations. In fact, on the day we got married my parents told me that if I changed my mind they would be 100% supportive in my decision. I went ahead and walked down the aisle but there was a small, nagging feeling in my heart that I wasn’t making the right decision.
Between that day and moving to Belize there had been a lot of events that stressed our relationship. I began to change which happens to people in their 20’s. He was changing as well and overall we seemed to be moving in opposite directions. The communication between us had been gradually diminishing and suddenly I was sitting in my new home in Belize feeling like I didn’t even know this person. My energy was changing based on his personality. I felt myself morphing in to a person I didn’t want to be.
Flashback one year – Sitting in a Chevy’s restaurant Will, me, my mom and dad were eating happy hour food and having a business meeting. The situation we were going to put ourselves in was bizarre; Will and I were going to be moving to a foreign country with my mom – his mother-in-law. Will and my mom had a fragile relationship. My mom is very sensitive to negativity and abruptness and Will has a tendency to be both negative and abrupt. Will has a hard time dealing with people that are overly sensitive so this was a potential problem for a business venture and especially one that required us all to live under the same roof. We had to discuss this and have a game plan ready for when the situation would inevitably come up. Will and mom were so excited about the move that they didn’t really understand that importance of this. I sat down with them both and told them that we have to come up with a method of communication that would work for everyone. We needed to be able to easy convey ideas and conflicts without taking it personally. They both insisted that this wouldn’t be a problem – I was a little skeptical because I know both of them and I didn’t think it would be so easy. I ended the conversation a little uneasy but what could I do, these were both grown people and if they tell me they can handle it then they must know what they’re talking about.
So it had been a couple weeks since the move and we were thick in to decision making for the business. We had to agree on a menu, what drinks we would serve, our hours, who we would hire and other equally important decisions that we could all potentially have differing opinions on. At first Will and mom were very careful how they spoke with each other and it went okay but the next phase was that they communicated directly about some topics and then used me as an intermediary on other topics which they felt more strongly about. This started to cause some initial tension. It was as if a little seed was sprouting and this was the type of plant we did not want to see. It was coming, slowly but surely. The first major issue that came up was Will’s mental attitude and energy level. He didn’t like his surroundings here in Corozal and so he started moving in to a negative mental state which was very frustrating for both my mom and I because we both have the tendency to keep positive attitudes. Frustration levels were rising and communication was falling. It was a volatile combination that would only lead to bad things.
Getting settled in | admin | June 14, 2009 
belize, communication, jamaica, mother-in-law, stress, travel, wedding
By sixth pay, June 15, 2009 @ 9:20 am
Good writing.. Very interesting to read..Keeping in touch..
By Sue, June 15, 2009 @ 5:28 pm
Good Job - was wondering how you were going to do this one!!!
By Korvell, June 17, 2009 @ 2:37 pm
Good blog.